1. When making up bottles, count the formula scoops on your fingers as you put them in. Don’t think you’ll be able to count to eight unaided. You won’t. Accept that early and you’ll save yourself a lot of discardred bottles.
2. When your baby is born, you will think the date will be bugled in your mind by angels forever. You are wrong. Sleep deprivaton and inherent uselessness will wipe it from your mind in less than 8 weeks. But, if you set a monthly reoccuring reminder on your phone, you will be able to casually drop ‘amazing to think that X months ago today…’ into conversation. Triumph.
3. Spend all the money you have on the good buggy.
4. ‘Dreamfeed’ your baby while it sleeps at about 11pm. This has many advantages. It will be more likely to sleep through the night. You get a little moment alone with your baby lying beside you in the dark, with it completely content. Which is lovely. And, sometimes, you can have a pre-bed snooze.
5. If things get overwhelming, go to the toilet and collect your thoughts.
6. Relatedly, if you like reading magazines or periodicals printed on good paper, take the chance afforded by the solitude of the shower. When you’re finished just hang the publication over the radiator and it will return to wrinkly legibility in a few hours. Warning; Newsprint turns to pulp and leaves you with an inky arm and a blocked plughole.
7. Order Digital Television. Be it from Sky or ntl/Chorus/UPC, digital television is a must have accompaniment to child rearing. This is because you will have access to CBeebies, an ad-free channel from the BBC showing wholesome (and quite enjoyable) programmes. In particular, the magical properties of ‘In The Night Garden…’ to hold a baby enthralled can’t be over praised. Just be careful you don’t slip into a coma when watching it yourself- it is not aimed at your brain.
To be continued…
(Add your own in the comments)
9 Comments
As the eldest grandchild, therefore lead crowdcontrol/babysitting contractor for the family in my teens (to three boys, a pair of twins and their brother who was 11 months older), I learned early on that, with the male of the species, nappy changing requires you to have ninja like reflexes to dodge unexpected “water features”. You can, of course, turn this in to a bettable game if you have a few tupperware jars placed at intervals along the ‘firing range’, each scoring different points for range, complexity of tajectory etc.
And as for point 2… while it may seem all smart and clever to have the reminder in your phone, eventually sleep deprivation will lead you to write about it in your blog and you’ll be found out by the missus.
Concerning point number 1 a pal has this nifty container which is divided into three parts with a sealed opening on lid that moves around each compartment. She adds the appropriate amount of scoops (so you still need those fingers) and then adds them to the sterilised bottles of water.
So much easier than burning the hell out of your hands shaking those boiling bottles.
Redmum,
I bought one of those, but lost the stopper for the little hole, rendering it useless.
I don’t shake the bottles. That would be scalding suicide. Instead, I use an ornate sterilised chopstick to stir them with great vigor. It adds a sense of occasion to the chore.
I find it shocking that the first tip for new dads cis about bottle feeding. The case for breast feeding is so overwhelming that bottle feeding sshould not be considered unless there is a genuine medical problem. Unfortunately, Irish society does not like children (if it did it would fund a decent childcare and education sysytem) and actively promotes an outdated and dangerous proactice that is of benefit only to a handful of multi-national companies.
Mothers can breast-feed in their sleep, leaving the father to take responsibility for the well-being of the baby (changing nappies, settling the baby after the feed).
Gordon
Hello Gordon,
I’m all in favour of breast feeding. But if my tips for Dads tend not to mention it, it is because it is a reflection of my experience. Dads don’t breast feed.
I’ve only just discovered In The Night Garden. Himself seems to love it. That and whenever football comes on the telly. My brother is already daydreaming obsessively about getting him to sign for United and being his agent.
Gordon
I find your comment irrelevant, unnecessary, outdated & dangerous.
Frankly, on this one, no breasts – no vote
Gordon
Who are you?! Are you that man in my nightmare with the animal skin cloth for clothes that drags his suitor(s) into his cave for a brief thump on the head before shenanigans?!
I am a proud bottle feeder that was able to see my husband bond through feeding our son using a bottle of milk.
I’m sure I could breastfeed but I find it revolting personally and chose not to. I am glad I live in a free country where I have a choice. Last I read, formula wasn’t made of rat poison. I’m sure breastmilk is better yada yada yada. I’ve had this debate a thousand times but how dare you demean the manner in which I fed my child by calling it dangerous.
HOW DARE YOU!
Gordon
Some mothers just can’t breastfeed. My wife breastfed our two kids to four months, then weaned them onto bottles so she could go back to work when they were six months old.
Great list Simon. We had one of those little three chambered yokie-bobs for the formula too. Just brilliant.